Teaching Cas
by SomethingOutOfNothing
Summary: Dean tries to teach Cas how to live, starting with the basics, eating. More specifically, eating pie. Then slowly, they move on, showing Cas how to be human. And maybe sooner or later (probably later, if Cas has a say) he will understand how to make it on Earth as a lowly human being.
1. Chapter 1

So… I quick thing I wrote, and I was thinking maybe I'd turn it into a series thing? I dunno. Let me know what you think?

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To say that Dean was frustrated would be an understatement. According to Sam, the 'profound bond' he shared with Castiel, meant that he was the one who got to teach the former angel how to be human, but Dean was about ready to screw the profound bond to hell, because human Cas was more of a stubborn pain in the ass than angel Cas, and that was something that just shouldn't have been possible.

Cas was refusing to eat, refusing to drink, and Dean was about ready to punch him out just to get him to go to sleep. To put it simply; Castiel was not adjusting well. "Here, try some pie," Dean offered, holding out a fork full of apple pie to his friend.

"No," Cas replied, shaking his head and glaring across the table at Dean. It wasn't an unexpected reaction, but Dean was near the end of his patience. He was tired, oh so very tired, and pissed off at the world.

Dean, for his part, was quite proud of himself when he only glared back and said, "Eat the damn pie, Castiel." Because honestly, he was _this close _to hitting him. Cas opened his mouth, and Dean could just tell he was going to argue, so before he could get a word out, Dean shoved the spoonful of pie in the former angel's mouth and gave him a look that dared him to spit it out.

Cas' was still for a few seconds, a fork sticking out of his mouth, until slowly, he lifted his hand and pulled it out, minus the pie that was on it, then another second later, chewed and swallowed. Dean counted that as a victory. "Now, was that so hard?" Dean asked.

Cas crossed his arms over his chest, an overly human gesture that Dean was almost certain he'd picked up from him. "Yes." Dean slumped in defeat, leaning his head against the table. Cas was going to die of starvation, just because he couldn't get him to eat some freakin' pie.

He couldn't believe that was what his life had come to. He was trying to teach an angel of the Lord how to be human. A couple of days ago, he'd even had to potty train him, because hey, Cas had never experienced a full bladder before.

After a few minutes of sitting in silence, resolving himself to the fact that his best friend was a stubborn idiot, who just wasn't going to listen, he heard the tell tale sound of a fork being scraped across the plate the pie was sitting on. Dean's head snapped up. "What're you doing?" He asked, frowning, when he saw a forkful of pie was half way to Castiel's mouth.

"Eating," Cas answered, as if Dean was completely stupid. And maybe he was. Maybe he was delirious. He'd been up just as long as Cas after all.

Dean stared at him as Cas slipped the pie into his mouth and went in for another piece. "Why?" Dean asked, totally confused.

"Because you wanted me to," Cas said around the pie that he was shovelling into his mouth. He paused for a second, casting a worried look at Dean. "Right?"

"Right, yeah." Dean nodded in confirmation. Cas nodded too, and went back to shovelling the pie in his mouth. Dean just watched him for a second, before grabbing another fork and digging in before Cas ate the whole lot.

Eating: Check. Next on the list, sleep. That would be interesting.

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So yeah, if I turned it into a series, I would write something like this, but then it would be sleeping and they would get more and more fluffy and it would all be Destiel and nothing would hurt.


	2. Chapter 2

Sooo… I decided to turn this into a series… :) Hope you enjoy it! Also, if anyone's interested, I'm posting these on my Tumblr too. .com

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Cas was leaving Dean no other options than to play whack-an-angel to get him to sleep. Which honestly, Dean would have no problem with, if he could find the guy. Even without his angel mojo zapping him in and out of places, Dean was having a hard time keeping track of Cas.

Dean had found him in all sorts of weird and wonderful places. For one, he'd found him reading a book in the shower. Thankfully, the shower wasn't turned on, but Cas was sitting there, cross-legged, fully clothed, reading the dictionary. It didn't take a genius to figure out something wasn't quite right, and that was when Dean clicked.

His pain in the ass angel was trying to stay awake.

Research mostly, because hey, Cas enjoyed that stuff and he wasn't about to fall asleep if he was doing something he liked. But Dean had also found him cooking (although, he never ate any of the things he made), surfing the web, and one of the more stranger ones, walking around, reciting what looked and sounded like Shakespeare.

Cas had been taking powernaps, which were pretty much the times when he couldn't physically keep himself awake anymore but it obviously wasn't good for him, so when Dean found out that Cas had moved on from Hamlet to Romeo And Juliet, he figured enough was enough.

"Alright. Cas, enough with the-" He paused, taking in everything about Castiel. He looked as if he hadn't shaven for days, his hair was sticking up on odder angles than usual, and Dean clothes were hanging off him. He had dark circles under his eyes, and all in all, it was just… Messy. "Whatever this is." He gestured to Cas. "You're getting some sleep."

"But-"

Dean just shook his head. "No buts. This is non-negotiable, okay Cas? Whether you like it or not, you're human, man, and your human body is really taking a beating over all of this."

Cas swayed on the spot, looking slightly guilty, but apparently not guilty enough to stop arguing and do as he was damn well told. He opened his mouth to protest, but Dean just shook his head. "No." That seemed enough for the overly tired Cas to admit defeat.

Dean wrapped an arm around his hips, because Cas looked a small gust of wind away from toppling over, and that would cause problems that Dean really didn't want to deal with. "Okay. Time for bed, buddy." By the time the reached Cas' bedroom, Cas was pretty much asleep, leaning heavily on Dean.

Dean pushed the door open, revealing Cas' scarce room. The wasn't much in there, since Cas didn't exactly have a lot of possessions, but it was still distinctly Castiel. "Alright… Lets get you into bed, huh?" He was pretty much talking to himself, as he managed to lay Cas down on the bed and nodded to himself. Job well done.

Cas' eyes snapped open and grabbed Dean's sleeve. Crap, Dean thought, so damn close. But Cas didn't protest, instead, just pulled on his sleeve. "Stay?" He asked, into his pillow. Dean figured that Cas was probably less than half awake, so he wouldn't remember his actions when he woke up.

Dean nodded and kicked off his boots, lying down next to the former angel. It all reminded Dean was when he was a kid and he'd have a nightmare, he'd crawl into his parents' bed.

But Cas pretty much was a kid, wasn't he? He was dealing with sleep for the first time, and with sleep, came nightmares.

And the guy had enough things to fuel his nightmares for a lifetime.

So Dean did the only thing he knew how to do, he wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and pulled him close, just like his mother used to do. "You'll be okay, Cas. I'm right here, I promise. None of those bastards are going to get you."


	3. Chapter 3

Dean soon discovered that Castiel was not a morning person. If they were going hunting that morning, the guy would stay in bed until the very last moment. If Dean said to be ready and out at the Impala by eight at the latest, Cas would get out of bed at seven fifty-eight. Yeah.

And really, it wasn't a problem, because every human had their quirks and now Castiel was no different. Not to mention, when he had literally just rolled out of bed and thrown on some of Dean's clothes, with his hair sticking up on all sorts of angles, Dean had to admit, he looked kinda adorable.

He was pretty sure he'd have to kill a puppy or something just to feel manly again after thinking that.

Dean did the regular morning doorknock routine they'd gotten in to. Cas needed routine to start with, so he could get the hang of the whole human thing, and apparently, Sam had been only too happy to oblige. So that meant, every morning at eight thirty (unless they had a hunt) he was the wake up call.

First Sam. Which was fine. He never had any problems waking Sam up, not since he was a kid, anyway. He knocked on Sam's door and yelled, "Rise and shine, Sammy!" And a few minutes later, he'd hear the shower turn on. Like clockwork.

But then it was time to get Cas up.

Cas was last on this call for a damn good reason. He was a complete pain in the ass to wake up. It took Dean a good ten minutes every morning just to convince him to get out of bed.

Cas in the mornings was the bratty teenager that ever parent hated dealing with, and Dean was starting to wonder if he was ever really that bad. The steps to waking Cas up went something like this:

Step one: Knock on his door and yell, just like with Sam. However, Dean now knows that Cas just pulls a pillow over his head in order to better ignore him. Ass.

Step two: Bribery. It always used to work with Sam. Mention bacon and eggs and Sam would be out of bed like a bat out of hell. Or a demon out of hell. But not Cas. Cas stayed firmly put under the blankets.

Step three: Enter. "Castiel," Dean sung. "If you don't get out of bed right now, I'm going to kill you." At least that gets a grunt. That's the start, it means Cas is waking up. Sometimes, if Dean's especially lucky, he will get a reply like 'what are you doing in my bedroom?' or 'not if I kill you first.'

Step four: Stealing the blankets. It worked well, except for the one time Dean did it and Cas had been sleeping naked. But he didn't do that anymore, so there were no surprises. This step usually gets a moan and a rude finger gesture that Dean definitely didn't remember teaching him.

Now, one would think that would be enough to get a person up, but no, the former angel just buried his face further into his pillow.

Step five: The one that Sam didn't know about. Dean and Cas had taken to sleeping in the same bed. It wasn't sexual, it was just a way to keep both of their nightmares away, and it worked. They provided a comfort for each other. But one of Dean's last resorts was always to threaten to leave Cas to sleep alone.

There was one time that didn't work, and there was a water gun and a lot of yelling, cursing and Enochian, and possibly some other languages. Because when Cas gets especially pissed off and tired, he switches between languages without even realizing he's doing it. But it was best to not go into that.

If he was honest, he felt bad about threatening to leave Cas to sleep alone, but it worked, so what was he supposed to do? This usually results in Castiel sighed and slowly getting up, glaring at him, and muttering in Enochian until Dean leaves.

About ten minutes later, Cas will come down to breakfast, showered and dressed, bare foot, with his hair still wet and sticking up strangely, and request that Dean make him the bacon and eggs he was promised.


End file.
